He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Alive.
So much puke
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
