Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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