Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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