Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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