I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I could fuck to npr.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
send nudes
from the living room?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
