he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
