Having a random hookup so left but love u
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
