Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
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