dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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