It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
