WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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