He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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