this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
