I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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