I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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