it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
