So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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