Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
