it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
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If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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