There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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