I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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