come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There's always time for handjobs
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
