I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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