i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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