When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
