Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
