Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
