He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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