Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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