All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So much Jack, so little girl.
Ladies don't puke and tell
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