At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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