So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
