Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
