whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He better not be in your backpack
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
