Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
