At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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