the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
why do cheetos always look like penises
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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