i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
