I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
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I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
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just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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