Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
your like the ambassador to my penis.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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