I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
