I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
True strength comes from lack of pants
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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