...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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