If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
