my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
