They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
