You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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