Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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