He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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