i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think my nap took me to another dimension
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
