my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.