hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
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He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
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Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄