So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
