I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
