Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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