cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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