Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
