Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
