My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
