2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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