Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
