Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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