We're like a lot better than the average bears
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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