Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
