why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
