I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
