Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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