Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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