just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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