At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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