I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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