i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
