so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
