It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
