fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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