Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
